wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize