there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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