I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well I can't set my house on fire every night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
