he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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