I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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