nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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