i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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