My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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