so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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