I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
