Sry I called you an 8
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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