It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
