I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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