his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
