Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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