i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
