Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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