Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
