I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
