My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
