He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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