so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
