Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
