I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
