I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
