just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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