You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
