Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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