I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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