you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize