In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
