I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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