so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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