areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
