Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
