New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
