I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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