Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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