I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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