is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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