do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
