I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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