TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
