your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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