R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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