just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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