How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
