his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
