Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
