This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
