I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
