that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
