he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
