and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
