it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
