A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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