Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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