My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
