This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Buhtt sex?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
