I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize