How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is pants optional.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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