I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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