the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
