so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
